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Thursday, April 16, 2015

Natalie Versus the Silverfish

I’m going to try switching things up today on the blog and write a little story. I haven’t much experience with doing so, but it’s always worth trying something new. You’ll note the graphic today has adorable cartoon bugs on it. It’s mostly so I don’t have to Google a picture of a silverfish to put on my nice blog (if you want to look up a picture of those things, that’s entirely your prerogative).

 I learn the most on Tuesdays, and it’s not because I’ve got a full schedule of classes. I’ve got Tuesday off, you see, which is how I manage to learn anything. Unlike most rational people I often find myself spending all of my Tuesdays working on things that ought to have been done over the weekend. Better time management (and life management) skills that teachers somehow think high school students have and professors fully acknowledge that college students don’t have would come in handy. But nonetheless Tuesdays are a learning day for me, and on this past Tuesday I learned how to write the majority of an essay in just under twelve hours, three cups of coffee and a minor meltdown.

Ninety-eight percent of Tuesday’s essay writing extravaganza proved as exciting as a retail job working closing shift. Work, pause to collect oneself after working with difficult people,(who on earth sends soldiers into Russia with no winter clothes), work, complain about working, and eventually finish. At some point in the night typing became rather difficult and all Germans became Fermans, leading to mass correction and general impatience. Sitting hunched over in the tiny hallway in my dorm, I realised that despite swearing to never go through this again, I would most likely find myself in a similar state next week.

At this point I had been wearing my contact lenses nearly twenty hours, which is far too many unless you are one of those crazy people who sleep with them in for days on end. My eyes grew itchy and heavy, the glow from the laptop screen fuzzing around the edges. How on earth does one stretch an essay to successfully cover ten pages? As I converted all “don’t”s and “won’t”s to “do not” and “will not”, I noticed that the edge of my keyboard appeared to be wider on one side than the other.

Not only was one side of the keyboard wider than the other, it was significantly fuzzier. No—it was not fuzzier. It had somehow grown a thousand legs and two long feelers pointing towards the screen. I reached to wipe it away before the edge of the keyboard hurried away. At this point, I moved faster than I had in at least a year. Within three second I flipped my laptop over, screamed, jumped so high my head nearly hit the ceiling and raced into bed as if the silverfish had a distinct taste for human flesh, Chinese variety in particular.

Once safety in my bed in the company of Jiji, Totoro and Fluffy the Sheep, I began to evaluate my life priorities. After all, what else is one to do after being thoroughly traumatised by a silverfish at four in the morning? My life priorities at that point were first to sleep, and second to remember to talk about the stupid bug on Twitter the next day. Blogger priorities. 

Do you like silly little stories like this? Let me know. They sure are fun to write!

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