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Saturday, February 13, 2016

How to be a Terrible Girlfriend

I've been reading a lot of hilariously bad relationship advice articles lately since Valentine's Day is rapidly approaching. They keep popping up on my Facebook or linking from Instagram, and for whatever reason, I keep reading them. So, I've decided to create my own list of things that all girls who want to be a good girlfriend should avoid like the plague, along with some helpful tips to make yourself the best girlfriend possible.

Honestly, since I do all of these things, it's a miracle that I'm in a relationship at all.

1) Showing you have a lick of intelligence.

Apparently men still like women that are dumber than them, and there's no way to get around that one. Sorry ladies with BA's, MA's and PhD's... you're just never going to get a man with those scary credentials. University ladies, pursue lady-like degrees like Typing if you ever want to find a husband after college! Don't be up to date on current events or politics!

2) Expecting him to be your equal in your relationship.

Because it may or may not be 1916 rather than 2016, women are still "inferior" to men in a relationship. Expect him to take the lead on decision-making in the relationship and obey without question. While you're at it, treat him like a king and expect nothing in return. You're just a woman, what more could you want?

3) Being unapologetically passionate about something.

I'm a dancer, an ice-skater and an aerialist who loves to bake and play video games, so clearly I need to shape up on this one. Quick ladies, forget about all of your hobbies that are remotely interesting and dedicate yourself to one or two feminine and possibly very boring hobbies. Make sure you stay fit enough that you're hot but not too fit!

4) Trusting your partner is clearly the sign of "being comfortable".

 Clearly I need to start prying more, because if my boyfriend isn't texting directly over my face, I don't read his messages or really care who he's talking to. Silly me.  Being "secure" in your relationship is clearly a sign that you've stopped trying, obviously! Sure, my boyfriend and I have only been dating for a few months, but I trust him to be a good man who is faithful to me. Time to be more suspicious of every little thing he does!

5) Skipping makeup means you're either a) not feminine or b) lazy as heck.

Ladies, did you know your femininity is defined by what chemicals you smear on my face in the morning? You should definitely be wearing makeup 24/7 because no man would every be able to stand the face of his girlfriend without makeup on. Even when you're putzing around the house having a lazy day, you definitely need to still look your best for your microwave, laptop, and study desk in case he happens to stop by.

If you didn't realise by now that the sarcasm was thick throughout this post, please never read this blog again. Just kidding. Don't leave me.

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Thanks for the comment! I read every single one :D